Inquisitor Cartmenez Son of Steel
by Dreamsofiron
Summary: Pure carnage
1. Chapter 1

Inquisitor Cartmenez Cold rings of flame impaled the desolate abominations of crimson sky, bloodthirsty crows circled the scene of battel. There alone stood Cartmenez and his companion Cold Steel. Cartmenez was inquisitor in his holy majestys God Emperor of Mankinds's secret service and his brave companion Cold Steel was the lord of the edge. Their thirsty swords were soaked in blood of the daemons, they looked like butchers covered in gore. "Glory my friend, glory is the essence!" roared Cartmenez, "Lets burn a filthy xeno orphanage!" answered noble Cold Steel. "No time to waste, lets kill some daemons!" growled MANLY Cartmenez. But the universe has shaken! Before them stood daemoness like statue cast in bronze from ancient and half forgotten times. "Step aside creature of face our wrath!" ejaculated Cartmenez silently. "Beware brother she may defile our manhood!" said Cold Steel sweating in his sexy leather uniform. "Oh, I will do more than that motal..." gasped the daemoness. "I think I wet my pants." ejaculated Cold Steel. "No time for that brother!" roared Cartmenez like the wind of destiny. And then suddenly out of nowhere the monster leapt forward to attack them! But Cartmenez was ready blocking her lusty attack with his long wet sword. "Oh I see you are not so pathetic after all." she orgasmed. "Silence you wretched fiend!" rasped Cartmenez. But now the monster had a completely new target in sight. She attacked the noble Cold Steel who just finished creaming his pants. She grabbed him lustily. "Oh no my sexy leather uniform is ruined!" he wept. "Fear not my steel brother!" ejaculated Cartmenez as he leapt into action stabbing the creatures butt. But he knew not that her butt was made of adamantium because she lost her real butt in the war stop asking me why that's why. "HAHAHA your vepons are useless!" screamned the creature. "Oh no, my life is at stake!" panicked the MANLY Cold Steel while ruining his luxurious uniform. Cartmenez was powerless and could only silently watch as creature forced his companion to watch watch chick flicks. Cold Steel was permanently scarred. After finishing her dark work the monster disappeared through the portal. "We will have our revenge brother, mark my words! screamed Cartmenez to the desolate sky. Many adventures still await them. Stay tuned for the next exciting episode! 


	2. Chapter 2

They summoned an army in order to avenge Cold Steels manhood. Huge freudian ships arrived and with them huge MANLY tanks. They burned filthy xeno schools and xenocided gazillions of alien mouth breathing weaklings. "I'm bored!" gasped noble Cold Steel, "But we are avenging your manhood brother!" roared Cartmenez. "We need to find that daemonic wrench that stole my innocence!" ejaculated Cold Steel while remembering his cruel punishment. "Let us open the portal to hell brother!" growled MANLY Cartmenez, "That sounds dangerous brother!" said the brave Cold steel while ruining his sexy and glorious uniform. "If I did not knew you better I would say that you are AFRAID brother!" roared Cartmenez, "I'm n-n-not afraid b-b-brother." ejaculated Cold Steel while sweating like an animal. "Lets go then my brave brother!" screamed Cartmenez like lion in heat. They opened the cursed portal that led them to the realm of everlasting crimson night in the halls of B'lahblahblah. "We are here!" roared Cartmanez like 1000 bears in the night, "Y-y-yes brother." whispered the brave Cold Steel. In hell thay were greeted by the door that said private. So naturally they opened the door. Inside thay found the cursed daemoness and BIG strong daemon watching Two and a Half Men. "Hey this is private chamber!" ejaculated the BIG strong daemon, but Cartmanez cleaved his skull. "That was my boyfriend you piece of poo!" climaxed the daemoness. "We come to avenge Cold Steels manhood you vile beast!" growled MANLY Cartmanez, "I d-d-don't mind it really." whimpered the brave and courageous and noble Cold Steel. "Didn't you two clowns had enough!" rasped the daemoness. "You should have implanted cyber brain instead of cyber butt, that way you would be 200% smarter!" roared Cartmanez, "Don't p-p-provoke her." whimpered the brave and courageous and noble and epic Cold Steel. "Enough! This ends now!" gasped the daemoness. Who will prevail, you decide my deer readers. Stay tuned for the next exciting episode! Glory awaits us!


	3. Chapter 3

But then out of nowhere brave Cartmenez summoned a legion of BIG MANLY EPIC SPACE MARINES! "I am so relieved!" climaxed Cold Steel. "We may consider letting you go if you polish my spear hehehe!" ejaculated Cartmanez. "WHAT?!" answered daemoness. "We got plenty of time my deer, plenty of time..." said the brave Cartmanez. But then toxic saliva of daemoness melted his long MANLY spear. "Holly Molly! My precious spear! My pride, my life is ruined!" ejaculated Cartmanez painfully. Brave SPACE MARINES were so scared by this sight that they ran away like bunch of chickens. "D-d-don't h-h-hurt us p-p-please!" whimpered the brave and courageous Cold Steel. But then, in last moment wise Cartmanez opened a portal using his last strenght which led them out of hell and into the private chambers of high inquisitor Steven Seagal. Steven sat on his mighty steel throne surrounded by lusty slave wrenches, by his side was his trusty servant HitlerStalin. "Down on your knees!" roared Steven Seagal like dragon of fire. The palace was decorated with MANLY naked statues holding BIG, STRONG, HARD, MANLY... swords in their arms. HitlerStalin was operating the machine that bombarded filthy xeno planets turning them into oil for the MANLY bodies of Imperial soldiers! What happens next? You decide! Stay tuned for next exciting episode of Inquisitor Cartmenez!


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you want worms!" asked High Inquisitor Steven Seagal in a booming MANLY voice. "N-n-nothing my l-l-lord." whimpered the brave and epic and MANLY Cold Steel. "Vile deamoness took our manhood, we need it back!" said Cartmenez WITH STEELY EYES OF AN EAGLE! "So be it! My servant HitlerStalin will provide you with new cyber manhood!" roared Steven Seagal in his high glory. "You look like two brave warriors. What are your names?!" ejaculated Seagal on his throne of wisdom. "I am Inquisitor Cartmenez and this is my noble and brave companion Cold Steel!" growled Cartmenez. "I have heard of you! Your courage travels fast my friends!" roared Steven Seagal crowned with might and smoke! "Psssh nothin personnel kid!" answered Cold Steel after recieving new clean uniform. But then out of nowhere the daemoness teleported to Seagals palace. "Oh goodness gracious I need to hide!" ejaculated MANLY and BRAVE Seagal while running to hide behind the throne. Meanwhile the BRAVE Cold Steel was ruining his glorious uniform... AGAIN! But Cartmenez reacted quickly and incinerated the daemoness with his long MANLY laser. "I AM SAVED! PRAISE THE EMPEROR! You two will be rewarded! I will shower you with gold! said his highness Steven Seagal still recovering from the shock! "Psssh it was nothin!" ejaculated the BRAVE Cold Steel while taking new uniform from HitlerStalin. "I't was my MANLY honor!" roared brave Cartmenez. What happens next? You decide my deer readers. Stay tuned for next exciting episode of Inquisitor Cartmenez!


End file.
